You Are a Gift
You are a gift... As many of us scramble to find the perfect something this holiday season, the experiences you have with others and the time you spend with them is the real gift. Your presence is what your family, friends, charities, and even team will recall with fond memories. As you close this year and look ahead, take a moment to reflect on your true impact. Your presence is your greatest gift.
What does it mean to be present?
In this context, it’s about giving your full undivided attention to the person in front of you. Though it's impossible to always 'be here and now' (so be kind to yourself), there are a few ways you can bring yourself back into the moment. Especially during the holidays and with the New Year around the corner, it can be tempting to focus only on the 'things', but go beyond physically being in the room to making powerful and long-lasting connections with those around you.
How are you showing up?
With a long and lengthening to-do list, as well as a constant stream of thoughts on past or future events running through our heads, it can be hard to practice being present, mindful, and intentionally focused on the people you’re with, but watch the person come alive right before you when you shift your focus and fully 'see' them. When you find your mind wandering during a conversation, pause and try these tips:
Take a deep breath and look at the facial expressions of the person in front of you. Their words may be saying one thing, but is there a micro-expression that may reveal more to the story?
Get curious. Ask thoughtful questions of those around you. As a result of your interest, they will feel seen, cared for, valued, and heard, allowing you to foster deeper connections.
Ask from a different angle to freshen the family story you’ve heard a million times. What was it like...? What did your grandmother say...? What happened the week after? Who else was there? Seek more content, the why, how, or a new perspective.
Learn about their experiences. Was your uncle alive during an important time in history? What was it like for him? Did your cousin ever pursue that creative idea she had when you were kids?
It can be tempting to jump in with your own story, but confirm your understanding before responding and dig in once more. My favorite response is 'tell me more'. After the initial shock that you’re genuinely interested in their perspective, their world opens up. I’m always surprised that the people we’ve known all our lives, if you really think about it, you don’t know their lives very well.
Generally, leave the tech in your pocket; it can be distracting even just sitting on the table. The only exception is to record precious family moments or a few of those stories your grandfather loves to tell. Future generations will cherish those glimpses into their ancestry.
Preparing to be present
Whether at a family gathering, at home with the kids, volunteering in the community, or in a work setting, you can be present. Before interacting with anyone, the below may be helpful to ground you and pause the chatter in your head:
Use your senses to notice the details. Feel the chill in the air, smell the family favorites in the oven, take in all the decorations your host has painstakingly hung, and savor the snacks.
Have questions at the ready. Think in advance about what you’d like to know about those around you. What are they grateful for? What was their highlight of the year? What are they most looking forward to next year?
Get interactive. Choose a game or create a new tradition. Have a few suggestions ready and involve the group in choosing an activity that is unique and becomes your new inside joke.
Consider applying these same principles to your work environment. As you’re signing off for the holidays or checking in, go beyond the work agenda and ask about their goals and accomplishments. This moves you beyond a work contract to showing care.
Work on being present with yourself. Most people think of meditation first, but just slowing down to take a few short breaths is a start. Daydreaming counts too. Just a few quiet moments to reflect, journal, or take a nature walk are all good starting points, 'filling your cup' so you can be fully present with others.
This approach has completely changed the way I think of gifts for my family, friends, teams, and clients. Beyond a few tokens, most of the gifts I give are experiences. Events we can enjoy together such as tickets to live music, plays, or movies, or fun classes for cooking, painting, or pottery. I’ve also extended this to team parties and events. Building new memories and working together in a relaxed environment helps not only to improve engagement but also to foster inclusion, collaboration, and break down feelings of isolation.
As I’ve lost family members and friends over the years, we always wished for more time, not gifts. Your presence is a present, you are a gift. Your family, friends and team will always remember and appreciate your listening ear, advice, and shared experiences. My wish for each of you to make beautiful new memories this holiday season and continue to prioritize the people in your life looking ahead to the New Year.
Additional resources
Psychology Today I Ways to Practice Being in the Present Moment