Learning to Receive

Nov 27

Showing gratitude has been a core pillar of not just my leadership style, but my life. Yet, for a long time, I didn't understand the impact of receiving. Every time I deflected a compliment by explaining it away, I didn't realize I was diminishing the giver's intent. Embracing the practice of receiving has opened the door to more honest relationships, even at work, where my team brings their best ideas, collaborates more effectively, and offers thoughtful feedback.

This article will explore receiving from various angles—its benefits, why it's sometimes difficult, and how to practice receiving positive and constructive feedback. When we receive gratefully and gracefully, we create an environment for growth, acceptance, and joy. The benefits of receiving include, but are not limited to:

Embracing the positive emotions experienced by both the giver and receiver.
The better we get at receiving, the better givers we become.
Welcoming new ideas for problem-solving and innovation.
Recognizing what's working well so it can be repeated in the future.
Displaying continuous learning by being open to changes.

I was taught that "It is better to give than to receive," but is it? Giving and receiving are two sides of the same coin, a dynamic and equal exchange. As leaders, we often feel our role is solely to give—to our organization, customers, and our teams. This is why many of us chose to be in leadership, but receiving can also have a transformative power, creating joint accountability and engagement that enables everyone to perform at their best. However, receiving feedback, or even a simple compliment, can be challenging. If you struggle with this, consider the following:

Imposter Syndrome: Do you feel unworthy of a compliment? Do you believe you're meant only to give? If you receive, do you feel like you owe something in return? You are enough and being open to receiving is a vital part of 'filling your cup.' It allows you to joyfully serve others without any resentment for efforts that go unrecognized.

Skepticism: Our relationship with feedback and appreciation can be complex. Have you ever received a compliment from a colleague who later gossiped about you? Or from a manager who struggled to provide balanced feedback, focusing only on the positive? These negative experiences can taint our perception of feedback, even when it's positive. Reflecting and releasing these experiences can help you assess each new situation on its own.

Receiving is a skill that can be developed. It can be difficult, but seeking and receiving feedback goes a long way to improve self-awareness and performance. How can you scale your team if you don’t know what’s working? Whether positive or constructive, the first step is to acknowledge any feedback with a sincere "thank you." No additional context is needed. Don't diminish the giver's words by rationalizing the situation. You worked hard on that presentation, simply accept the praise. If someone views your actions as problematic, consider their perspective without justifying your actions or becoming defensive.

Beyond those initial words of gratitude, how you receive the feedback can ‘make or break’ the interaction. Receiving is not passive; it's an action in itself. While it's natural to initially react to feedback with negative emotions or to be self-deprecating, it's essential for personal growth. By pausing to reflect and acknowledge the difficulty of giving feedback, you can ease any tension. Also, shifting your mindset from 'threat' to 'learning opportunity' and assuming positive intent can also help.

Next, don't react immediately. Slow down and ask for specifics. Get curious to understand how to replicate or correct an action. Ask about the giver's perspective and details, and welcome their insights. Below are a few questions to help facilitate a quick transition from surprise to curiosity for both positive and constructive comments laying the foundation to identify actionable feedback:

What aspects of this idea do you find most appealing?
What's one thing I could do to support your work better?
What frustrates you that you believe we should change?
How do you think that meeting went?
I've been focusing on improving my presentation/meeting management/XYZ skills. Have you noticed any changes? What could I do differently next time?

Concluding the conversation with tangible next steps is crucial. Don't let the feedback linger without action. Show that you've acknowledged it and plan to take positive steps forward. If someone praised a team-building event, get their feedback on when the next one should occur or ask specifics about how the event impacted their partnerships at work. If the feedback is constructive, outline what you'll do to address it, even if an immediate solution isn't apparent. Asking for a few days to consider the feedback demonstrates that you've taken it seriously.

Finally, remember that receiving feedback doesn't obligate you to act on it. While positive comments may be easier to accept, the decision to incorporate any feedback is yours. First, understand the feedback thoroughly before deciding whether to apply it.

The beauty of learning to receive is that it not only helps us but also the giver of the feedback. When receiving feedback, please be sure to take a moment to pause and truly accept what’s being given with appreciation, honor, and gratitude. You are not the only person who wants to be of service, allow them to have the opportunity to give as well. We are all evolving and learning this lesson is one step to fully and completely appreciating those around us, including our families, partners, friends, and teams, not just during this holiday season but throughout the year.

“When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed.” – Maya Angelou