What Are You Saying ‘No’ to This Year?
"The oldest, shortest words – 'yes' and 'no' – are those that require the most thought." – Pythagoras, philosopher
Why saying ‘no’ is essential to achieving your personal definition of success.
Many of us, myself included, default to ‘yes’ when asked to help or take on a new project. What we don’t often realize is that by saying ‘yes’ to one thing, we are saying ‘no’ to another, often a more important task. By creating clarity around your priorities, calendar, and goals you can more effectively evaluate if this new ‘ask’ is something that will enhance your areas of focus or distract from it.
There will be responsibilities or tasks that require our attention that may not perfectly fit this model, but the aim of this newsletter is to rigorously manage those asks so they are limited, leaving time to focus on the areas more important to you.
Setting your priorities
Your goals may vary from year to year as your career progresses and your life stages evolve. Some years have a larger focus on work versus others that may have a larger focus on family. The issue is that many don’t take the time to reflect on their life stage or what’s important to them today. This allows your time to be swept away by what’s most important for others. Let’s use 2024 to live intentionally and take deliberate actions to fulfill our personal goals.
Ideally, you’d want to create a personal Venn diagram, identifying the 3-5 priorities that intersect work, well-being, family and community based on your current stage in life. The questions below may help you begin to identify them:
What experiences do you want to have this year?
What do you want to learn this year? Who do you want to learn from?
What kind of leader do you want to be?
Knowing these answers helps you choose projects, proactively prevent feeling overwhelmed, as well as say ‘no’ objectively and without guilt.
How to say ‘yes’
Embracing your priorities daily is essential, and because of this, it's important to limit them to a manageable number. Regularly reviewing your calendar is an effective method to gauge whether your prioritization is on track.
Have I blocked time (even if small chunks) towards my goals?
Are all the meetings scheduled essential?
What can be consolidated or delegated?
A revolutionary way to think about calendar management is putting your priorities on the calendar first, then adding the other meetings. I started this a few years ago and I was shocked that most of the time my leaders, team, and colleagues were generally able to adapt to the schedule, allowing me time for deeply focused work, quality 1:1 meetings, and activities like short walks. Quarterly, I look backwards to see where my time went and adjust for the quarter ahead.
Remember, you won’t accomplish everything immediately or perfectly. The goal is to continuously make progress in the areas that are important to you and even small gestures forward will make a difference not only in your life, but in the lives of those that are close to you, which include your friends, family and work.
When deciding whether to say ‘yes or ‘no’
Having this clarity will give you laser focus on deciding which projects to take on. When a new task comes your way, here are a few filters to consider:
Is this aligned with my priorities and values?
Will this energize me or burn me out?
Have I regretted saying yes to these projects in the past?
What needs to change to free up time to take on this project?
Does something more important require my attention?
After reviewing these questions, sometimes the answer is a resounding ‘yes’! If you think like a minimalist, as you add one item to your closet, take one away to make room. This applies to life as well.
Embracing ‘No’: A leadership strategy for balance
It is difficult to say no. Sometimes I can feel a pang of pain in my heart or gut because it feels like I’m letting down my team, spouse, or friends. Utilizing the steps above helps to refocus and decide not just on my instincts but keeping my core focus top of mind. Once resolved to say ‘no’, here are a few tips to push back with professionalism, diplomacy, and gratitude:
Be clear and kind:
Thank you for thinking of me, but I am unavailable.
Unfortunately, I need to pass.
I am focusing on my top priority of XYZ right now and don’t have the bandwidth.
Offer an alternative:
Other resources or advocate for others, I know Susan/Tom is really passionate about this topic, maybe they could lead this work? OR I took the last 2 urgent projects, maybe someone else can step in this time?
Pressure test timing. This week is busy, can we reconnect next month on this? Given our priorities, this may fit better with our summer workload, how urgent is this project?
Reprioritize. My largest focus areas are XYZ. To complete this project what should I deprioritize? Working on this could cause a delay in deliveries, is that OK?
Offer another idea. I see why this project is important, what if we approached it this way? Can I throw another idea in for consideration?
Show gratitude:
I’m honored you thought of me..
I appreciate you asking…
Thank you. I can’t make this one, but please keep inviting me to future events.
Buy Time:
Let me have a day to think about it, let’s meet again tomorrow.
I’m running in between meetings, I’ll call you this afternoon.
Let me review this against our current priorities, I’ll send a meeting invite to revisit in a few days.
Be concise and firm, with no long-winded explanations. After delivering your ‘no’ most people will just move on to someone else. With someone particularly persistent, you may need to repeat yourself, don’t change your reasons, just remain polite, calm, and firm in your response. If working with senior management, offering an alternative or reprioritizing work is often a first step to test if the task is a ‘must do’ or if there is some flexibility.
As leaders, how to encourage your team to say ‘no’
I’ve heard several leaders say “It’s ok to push back” but when the time comes. that option is somehow not available. To set clear expectations and manage your own defensiveness when someone says ‘no’ to you, it helps to have an open conversation about how you want to handle prioritizing work as a team.
Be firm but not rigid: This is an urgent project, let’s talk about what else needs to shift on our plate to get this done. I’m open to ideas on how we can work together on this.
Say ‘no’ early: Let’s decide on the team leading this work by the end of the week. If you can’t participate, let’s talk within the next few days so we can plan accordingly.
Be clear: In a strategy session, add a slide on what you’re actively saying ‘no’ to as a team right now. It can be addressed in the future, but it won’t be a core focus this quarter/year, etc. This sets clear expectations, but also arms your team with the language to push back to requests that may not be coming from you directly.
Sometimes you ‘gotta do what you gotta’ do
There will always be items on your list that simply have to be done whether a top priority or not. Like in a previous newsletter on goal setting, I always strive for 80/20. Achieving 80% of your goals and allowing 20% for the unexpected. By going through this exercise, hopefully you’ll see new alternatives to simply saying ‘yes’ to every request and finding your personal approach to politely and professionally pushing back.
Defining yourself for 2024
Whether your emphasis is family or personal health, the essence lies in pinpointing and pursuing a handful of critical goals.
Echoing the philosophy of Steve Jobs and Warren Buffett, it's about living deliberately and intentionally. Buffett advises identifying your top 25 goals, prioritizing the foremost 5, and saying 'no' to the rest—challenging yet immensely rewarding. Steve Jobs defines success not just by his accomplishments but all the projects he said ‘no’ to create an environment of relentless focus.
If you’d like to continue this conversation on creating and focusing on your leadership priorities, please reach out for a free consultation, and let’s create your plan together! https://calendly.com/promoteleaders/introduction
Here's to a year of intentional choices and meaningful progress.
Additional resources
Stop Setting Goals You Don’t Actually Care About (hbr.org)
3 Steps to Create an Internal Scorecard to Ignite Your Hidden Potential and Reach Your Goals | Inc.com
6 Steps To Set New Year’s Resolutions For 2024 Like A Leader (forbes.com)
Four Thousand Weeks: Burkeman, Oliver
Saying 'no' to Anyone Without Feeling Guilty (entrepreneur.com)